Friday, March 16, 2007

48 Concubines Chapter 1, 2 & 3

**Warning - an 18PG entry**

Simple American initiated this Blogbuster™ Project, entitled 48 Concubines in conjunction with our L B taikor's birthday on the 8th of March. All Perms & Conditioners (shampoo, hair wax & gel included) can be found here. Lil' Miss May passed the baton to me last Saturday (So sorry! Been busy and busy getting tired...) to continue from her Chapter Two. I'll be kind and do a C & P of episodes one and two.

Chapter One, by Simple American.

The man paced nervously back and forth. His day was here. It only came once a year and he looked forward to it during the other 364 days. He tried to curb his anxious nature. If you rush into these things some of the pleasure would be diminished.

He chuckled as he thought of the joke his Texas brother told. It was a dirty joke and one of the few that the Texan told that was actually funny.

This joke centered around a pair of bulls standing on the top of a hill. The elder bull, the father had brought his son to this overlook. The younger bull had come of age and he eagerly gazed down upon the meadow below where the herd grazed. The breeze carried the cow scent up to the bulls and the younger could feel the urge building up in his loins.

“Come on Dad. Let's run down there and screw one of them heffers.”

The elder bull looked at his boy and winked, “Son. Let’s walk down and screw em all.”

The man chortled again. Humor and wisdom all rolled into one. Yep. On this night he better walk a lot.

A chill draft blew in as the door opened. He tugged at the navy blue robe. His bling fell out, with his 24 karat golden “L”. He stuffed it back under the robe feeling the cold metal on his smooth chest next to the golden “B” that hung from another chain.

“You ready?”

It was the Texan. No surpose there. He helped things procede smoothly. L B stood and the men shared a manly embrace. The Texan snuck in a pinch. L B jumped back. Dang everytime on his birthday he copped a feel. Oh well. One cannot buck tradition.

“She’s ready,” the Texan drawled.

“Who,” L B asked? His heart beat faster in anticipation. He adjusted his belt in an attempt to keep his composure.

“You know it wouldn’t be any fun if I told you.”

“Damn you.”

The two men laughed. The Texan walked over to the fridge and pulled out a Corona. Looked around and cursed at the lack of a lime. He popped the top off on the lip of L B’s counter.

“Your gonna scratch that yet.”

The Texan looked back sheepishly. “Sorry. Why in the hell are you talking to me? Get. She’s waitin’?”

L B looked at the Texan who plopped down on the couch, scrunching the duvet. He flicked on the TV. “Anything new from Uncle Ho?”

“It’s all in the cabinet. You’ll find something I’m sure. See you tomorrow.”

And L B walked out into the night. The garden outside looked beautiful under the soft lamps. Definitely tended by someone with Japanese training. He walked passed the boxwoods and smelled the air blowing of the Indian ocean. And then he arrived at the adjacent room. A large blue number one nailed firmly into the mahogany.

He rapped twice and waited.

Chapter Two by Little Miss May.

“In a moment,” a voice softly called. L B’s pulse quickened at the sound of it. The voice almost sounded familiar and yet…

The door unlocked and slowly opened. “Happy birthday, Mr. Chairman. Or should I be calling you the Emperor now?” A small giggle followed.

His lips curled into a smile. That face, oh… that face. His eyes roamed down the length of the curvaceous woman standing there, dressed in a blue-blue tei silk dressing gown with one smooth leg peeking out from the folds. He remembered that leg. And everything else underneath that gown. He looked up again and saw that she had been doing her own roaming on him as well.

“Baby! What a surprise. When did you arrive?” They embraced in a hug, and held on for awhile. Just a little while longer. He breathed in her familiar scent.

“I flew in last night. Come in, don’t stand there on ceremony. I felt that something else wants to stand up too.”

Shifting slightly in adjustment, L B stepped into the sweet vanilla scented room. The light had been turned down, and all around the scented candles gave off a warm glow. An array of white lilies adorned a small table at one corner of the room. Jasmines were scattered on the floor. As he approached the table, his nose was tickled by another aroma. Served on a fine china plate was something totally finger lickin’ good.

“Ah, you found your birthday dinner! I knew it was some time since you had yourself a grand platter of KFC with lormaikai, so I brought some in. And then after dinner,” she said, as she stepped in closer and let her hand travel down his back, “We’ll have a little bit of dessert. I shall be your Concubine M for tonight…”

L B felt another pinch on his tush. But this one, he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all. In fact, to his own surprise, he didn’t mind skipping that deliciously finger lickin’ good meal and go straight to dessert. Or maybe after a drumstick… No. No drumstick. There was another ‘drumstick’ he wanted to bite into. And his stick was ready to do some beating of its own. His klangklangs were aching with excitement.

“Dinner can wait,” he mumbled, as he led them to the bed.

“Good,” she whispered. “The bush badly needs a trim.”

He grinned. This was better than dinner. He kissed her lips and neck, as his hand travelled down from her bosom down to the gown’s sash. But before he could tug the gown open, there was a soft knock on the door accompanied by persistent scratching. And a whine.

“Ignore it,” he said, fiddling at the knot.

Then they heard a bark. Arf!
And a flutter of wings.

“They’re too early,” she sighed. Dessert would have to wait. She squeezed his loins briefly before breaking the embrace and adjusted her gown. She walked to the door and turned the knob…


Chapter 3 by angel

Earlier that afternoon, Concubine M had specifically called to remind the other woman to come 3 hours later. Yes, three hours would be more than enough for the iTwosome Royal Acrobatic Session™ with her Chairman aka Emperor first before heading on to iThreesome or more...

The other woman at the door is none other than Concubine Winnfrey and of course, her son that followed her to almost wherever she goes, young Jedi feline-wannabe, Master Liucas. (Occasionally known as Liucat, and currently trying to learn how to fly with the pair of wings borrowed from Princess A... A Liubat wannabe, next?)


Just a few days ago, Concubine W was feeling very stressful due to some work problems. (Yes, being a concubine doesn't mean that you don't have to work, okay! These are what we call, the Super Modern Concubines™!) So, after work, she quickly made a call to the Emperor's Apple™ iPalace™ and told him that she desperately needed to see him and will be there in 30 minutes.

Emperor L B was of course very pleased to hear from her. "My Concubine W," he whispered. Concubine W is a very special lady. She's got the Creative iAura all over her, on & off the bed as well...

Let's just say that evening, both of them had a ball. Well, literally and not...


The Emperor's iHair Ball™, or what's left...

Coming back to the current day, Emperor L B peeped from Concubine M's room to see who was at the door. He was so delighted and couldn't contain his sexcitement when he saw Concubine W entering the door in her long, red sexy silk gown, with Master Liucas...



Chapter Four shall be passed on to mistipurple...

Disclaimer: The characters & events depicted in this Blogbuster 48 Concubines are totally fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

58 comments:

kyh said...

so cheonghei!!! CHUP!!!

angel said...

So fast you!
The Chup is Yours, all Yours!!!

kyh said...

lup lup huggy chup! *muaks*

kyh said...

aiyo so long i lazy read leh... wait i finish something first... then enjoy beautiful piece of work la... ;)

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
Hey, you sound perky! And that's very good news... :)

Har? Long meh? U only have to read my chapter wat... not very long arrr...

But, I shall welcome you back later too ;)
*muaks*

kyh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kyh said...

KKK! i din read wat u wrote ma... jus quickly took a glance... and first thing came to mind is the *gosh* length of this post!

luckily u din pass this to me leh... otherwise i shall be the first to decline ur offer one! i was not born a novelist or author or writer or watever... so i'm veli thankful to u lo!!! *another thankful muaks*

;)

vegemaster said...

omg..what a long story...~
the 48th person is gonna have a really long post...lolz =P

mistipurple said...

peng kaw kaw and chuppp first, though no prize!!! i chapter four ahhhh??? peng again!!! i read after this!

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
I'm actually doing ppl a 'favour' by copying & pasting the first 2 chapters here because most of us will be lazy to click on links to read the first 2 chapters ;)

My post is very short only wan... hey, I'm 168% sure that YOU will get a chance to participate in this Blogbuster! Ei, dun pray-pray okay... only those in the Emperor's blogroll can participate, not any capalang blogger can be a part of this okay... so, be thankful cos you are one of the Chosen Ones! LOL! :P

I ain't no author nor novelist as well... trust me, once you start, you'll know how to write wan... I no ti(p)u wan... *wink*

**********
Dear vegemaster,...
LOL! This is another type of tag loh... the first one we had last year, initiated by Lin Peh and by the time reach me, dunno what chapter liao... some 'important' characters although sudah mati but still can hidup semula wan LOL! That's the wonder of blogwriting ;)

**********

angel said...

Dear misti,...
Hahaha!!! No peng! No peng! Only cucumber... kkkkkk!!!

Hey, you've got the Srilver Chup! Who said no prize? *wink*

mistipurple said...

hahaha my eyes really something wrong! grabs the Srilver Spoon!

kyh said...

u so pandang berat me one leh??? ;)

but really nola... i dunno how to write fiction stories one... it'll end up to be sipeh dull!!! so really must reject/decline/tak mau the privilege! dis one needs gr8 imagination and a source of inspiration wan!

but if u ask me to write bout politics, social rants, gamen bashing, religions, races those realistic things... haha... i will do u favour anytime. ;)

mistipurple said...

i like your story!! cham ah, everybody's standard so high. *rubs medicated oil*
.... hairball oso can become part of the Adventures of the 48 Concubines.. *must go find some other types of hair to write story next*

angel said...

*brings eye drops/drips for misti*

Big Spoon that one, huh?
:D

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
Err... I think you meant to say, "pandang tinggi", right? Not 'pandang berat'... :P

Well, under the Perms & Conditioners, you can even write 1 sentence and then pass it on... so, donch worry too much... Surely got people will 'see you up' wan... :) So trylah if you are tagged, don't so potong stim and reject straightaway. Liddat no sporting lor...

Those "realistic things"? Boringzzzzzzzzz.... :P

But...
*Opposite Attracts*

;)

**********
Dear misti,...
I wanted to make it more interesting but aiyah... no enuff time liao... if I didn't get it out tonight, SA is gonna cum after me KK! LOL!

**********

mistipurple said...

*steams cucumber*
*plucks kokokai's feathers*
*looks at sotong's tentacles*
*adjusts bustier* wahhhh no eye see what i gonna write. *steams second cucumber*

L B said...

The Emperor strides into the Royal Hall, bemused by all the twittering going on.. He nods to the Royal Eunuch™, and slips him a gold ingot.. Spotting the half-dressed concubines playing in the Imperial Turtle Pool, he summons Concubine A to his presence...
"What is going on, my dear Concie? Why are you all splashing about so merrily in the Turtle Den?", he enquires..
"Lord of the Highest Clouds, Ruler of the Deepest Depths, I beg for forgiveness if we have disturbed your evening's rest", the semi-naked concubine purred. "We were just reading the latest chapter from the 48 Concubines, and we got so wet, we had to pretend it was from the Turtle Pool."
"Ah, so! I have just read it too, and it's very good, yes? Don't you concur?"
"We all do, M'Lord.."
"Good, read it to me again later, in my chambers."
... and he strode off..

kyh said...

oh my BM got screwed! no wonder it's the last language i wud ever learn on earth! too bad i'm forced to learn it since goodness knows when. :(

boring rite? but i find it veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy interesting. ;)

angel said...

Dear misti,...
LOLOL!!!
*rolls around without sari...*
LOL!
You no eye see, I got eye see!!! Nah nah, see my Big Big Eyes??
*batting eyelashes*
Haha!!

Everyone's gonna get so wet!

**********
*bows to M'Lord*
*tries very hard to NOT to giggle*
But cannot tahan laaa!
Hahahaha!

You da' Man! You da' King! You da' Emperor!

Errr... why Turtle?? Something Ninja going on that I'm not aware of...?

*follows The Emperor into iChamber*
*brings along the Steamed Cucumbers.. and some toys*

**********
Dear kyh,...
Why you no like BM ka? Learning an extra language is no bad thing at all :)

Don't tell me you are a politician wannabe?

**********

kyh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kyh said...

If I'm a politician, I'll vow to bring this gamen down. Too much of prejudice and unfairness despite their efforts to cover it up and present to the world we're treated like equals. BAH!

An extra language would be good, but never a BM. International wise, it's of no advantage watsoever. I would rather learn Arabic or Hindi for their great influence over a vast territory, across cultural and political borders.

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
Gee... I sense Extreme Anger, young man... but hey, Prejudice & Unfairness exist everywhere! And how can you be sure that if You are the gamen, You can be 100% fair? Nuthin' is fair in this world...

No wonder you call yourself "Kill You Hard"... but dun kill me, will you? Or would you??

-__-'''

Ei, apa nie? Asyik delete komen saje?

kyh said...

I wud never call myself fair, thus you wont see me in the parliament. LOL!

Toking of extreme anger, it's been accumulating day after day.... waiting to explode! KKK!

And do u still remember I've told u guys b4 I'm a racist? To the extreme point at one time. But oh no, me no extremist ala bin Laden. Duncha worry. ;)

Kill You Hard is computer-generated, not by me one ler... KKK!

I wan singsong singsong liao...

"and I...ee...I...ee..I... will always... love youuuuu oooh yeah...."

MUAKS

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
I sure hope I won't see you in the P... cos I hate-9 all those politikus!

Hey, chill out... don't have to explode/implode due to politics! Not worth it, yeah... Errrmm... wanna give Paris a shot? ;)

I don't quite remember you being an extreme racist... or maybe I do... hmmm... anyway, I always prefer to see the Good in people rather than the Bad... those with the Bad can go die far-far away... Is that extreme ar? :P

Wow, even the computer knows you have such extreme anger in you!

And I'm soooo glad to know that the Romantic in you is still intact despite the anger and all...

*falls into Sweet Sleep listening to kyh's laam voice*

G o o d N i g h t . . .

kyh said...

Bad Brad ma... It rhymes!

U want Good Brady? *winks*

My volcano extinct liao! KKK!

Let me sing you a serenade... Want? Want??? *limited time only* *first come first serve*

And good nite my dear angie... *helps to pull up blankie* *turns off lights* *a muaks on the rosy cheeks*

SWEET DREAMS!

L B said...

taps finger...
Where is that Concie and the Reading?.....

kyh said...

Concie A went to sleep liao. KKK!

And shhhhhhhh.... shoo u emperor! Dont disturb!

may said...

stim! stim! stim in the Turle Pool™!! hmmm, we need a vacuum cleaner to whisk off those balls of hair.

*bows low in greeting Master Liucas*

cp1 said...

waaaaa can meh??? no backache ah???

MrDurian said...

Ha Ha, I have to admit this story turned me on a bit...hilarious!! LMAO!!!

Chen said...

ahem
i can see hair floating everywhere...
have the sensation of hair being stuck in throat too
kkkkkkkkkk

Kenny Ng said...

Very the cheong hei wor...

kat said...

Steamed cucumbers no good... all lembik oredi...

Looks like misti has a lot of mor-mor to clean up...

Looks at the striding emperor...you see? You make him wait so long, he oredi mind-blog the story for you!! LOL

mistipurple said...

hahaha Kat! mor-mor must clean up ah? i might just leave them there. the mor the better! grins

rinnah said...

LOL at L B's additional details to the Blogbuster™ of an Imperial Turtle Pool aka Turtle Den™...

Can't wait for the next chapter! *hops over to misti's site*

JL said...

wah keng ah..

can make it into a Triorgy.. eh

i meant Trilogy :P kehkehkeh

Simple American said...

*apprause* *apprause*

Nicely done Angel. *Hugs* Why you so wet one meh?

Hey and why people think it is 48 chapters. Got to read the fine print. It ain't over until LB sez its over. Could be 100 chapters. could be four. His burfday story.

mistipurple said...

*continues koffing hairball here... KOFF KOFFFFF!! psst*

L B said...

*bounce* *roll*

mistipurple said...

*rolls the princess' boobs back here* the emperor was rolling them all around. :P

laundryamah said...

wah me now only following the Lin Dynasty story now got new story pulak! Die lor...no need to work leow!

Stupe said...

wah lan eh...like this also can ah?

Chen said...

bergolek-golek :D

angel said...

Dear kyh,...
Hmmm... Bad Brad sounds cool... I likes ;)

Volcano is to erupt at the "right" time, ok? ;)

No wonder I had a really Sweet Slumber last night... Thanks for the serenade and of course, the Kiss... *blush*

**********
M'Lord, My Apple Emperor,...
Concie A is willing to take any kind of punishment for the delay last night...
*bows*

**********
Dear kyh,...
LOLOL!!! U sweet Royal Eunuch! You so sayang Concie A! *muaks* Really the Concubines' Guardian! ;)

**********
Dear may,...
It would have been stim-er if I did not have to rush rush! I was thinking of making it into Two Blogbuster instead of one! LOL! As in having 2 versions... ;)

*bows with Concubine M*

**********
Dear cp1,...
Who having backache ahh??
*pretend blur*

**********
Dear mrdurian,...
Hey there! What a surprise to see you here!
*brings Red Carpet*
Have a seat, make yourself comfy... Coffee? Tea? Or Concubine A? LOL!

I'm glad you find it to be a "turn on" Haha!! Then you must read what I wrote in Lin Peh's Dynasty Projeck... :P

**********
Dear lokter,...
Har? Hair?? Where??
*looks down*
Kkkkkk!!!
*pengsan*

**********
Dear kenny,...
Slowly read maa... aboh it won't be called a Blogbuster™ liao!

**********
Dear kat,...
Ahh... then have to ask the Imperial Chef™ to ensure it's not too lembik...

U know, at first I had no idea wat the mor-mor u talking aboout! LOL!! I was thinking, "Har? What mor-mor char this kat is talking about??" Hahaha!!! What a funnies day laa...

*looks at the mor-mor again*

**********
Dear misti,...
I thought no more mor-mor since all have been... *ahem*... shaved? No??

**********
Dear rinnah,...
Your turn will come soon... *wink*

**********
Dear jl,...
Hahahaha!!! A TriORGY!!! It will definitely rock the World!! Haha!
*high 5*

**********
Dear Sir SA,...
*shy*
TQ TQ... I could have done better... sigh...

Me is wet?? Errr... where?? *grins*

100 chapters???? Gosh, this will be a Forever Tag then! LOL!

**********
Dear misti,...
I didn't get your iHairball Koffing, you know... I was there at the right time ;)

**********

*bounces & rolls togeder geder with the Emperor*

**********

*looks at Boobs*
*nicely attached with Superglue from Mozman*

**********
Dear laundryamah,...
Waa! New Guest!
*brings Red Carpet*
Make yourself comfy... coffee, tea or... ahem...

Waaa! Now only you going to read Lin Dynasty?? You sure pening & pengsan wan, I tell you...

No need to work? What for wanna work? Haha... :P

**********
Dear stupe,...
Heh heh... We all Eat Full Too Many Things To Do But Still Wanna
Do More Things punye pasal...

**********
Dear lokter,...
Got Bergolek-golek Syndrome ar? :P

**********

Cocka Doodle said...

Makes good bedtime reading material.....*yawn* zzzzz....zzzz

kyh said...

WAT!!!??? me only Imperial Captain la... that special post u leave for someone else. ;)

mistipurple said...

i goingz home now. shall laugh all the way home thinking of the hairballz shed by Winnfrey and the Emperor!

_butt said...

hairball again!! *shrieks*

Winn said...

yipeeeeeee i m coming back today!!!!! catching the flight at 11 later..

finally !! i miss home i miss LIU!!
a for angel ,
b for berry
C for cute

angel very cute!:P

Winn said...

dotcha wish for a fruit outthere to name angelberry??
so sweet hor?

angel said...

Dear cocka,...
Dun be jeles lar you... we'll find someone to make you King of Cock, ok? But definitely I not the Queen! Haha!

**********
Dear kyh,...
Oops... oh yeah... my mistake... I was too confused yesterday because was having a ball rolling here and there :P

**********
Dear misti,...
Aiyooo, u go back so late wan... next time, must shoo those ppl away earlier, liu???
*hugs*

**********
Dear butty,...
Heh? Why? U have a fear of iHairballs? :D

**********
Dear winn,...
Whoopieee! We ALL miss LIUUUUU!!!

a for ai ni.
b for berry ai ni.
c for chen she ai ni.

(aiyak, my pinyin is the koyakkkk)

winn is the cutest!

Haha! Angelberry sounds very angelic! What about winnberry, mistiberry, chenberry, mayberry, carberry, elleberry, benberry, sengberry, kingberry, katberry, wennberry... sumua lagi swchweet! ;)

**********

narrowband said...

omg so long winded. I wish I'll never be passed this scary meme... *shudder* ;p

angel said...

Dear narrowband,...
Haha.. rest be assured, I don't think you'll be passed this 'scary' tag :P Only those in his blogroll will kena... ;)

Chen said...

The berry family?
kkkkkkkk

angel said...

KKKKKK!!! Liu oso berry Berry Family! :P

All berry liu... berry schweet... berry farnie... berry hiao... kkkkk!

*muaksberry*

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